Not feeling authentic?

If you hear a constant negative chatter in your head, are constantly searching for the next thing to do or feel restless most of the time, you may have lost touch with your authentic self. 

I am currently going through such a time. I’m questioning how I spend my hours in the day. I constantly search for new projects or hobbies to take on. I have a loud inner critic that knocks at my door about every day. It is as if I’m walking in someone else’s shoes that are giving me blisters because they are so tight. 

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By the way, my friend said to me “you’re a coach, you should have it all figured out”. He is right about me being a coach, but he is wrong about coaches having to have it all figured out. Quite the opposite – we coaches need to spend a considerate amount of time on our own development in order to be the best coaches we possibly can be for our clients. So here I am, trying to make sense of this disconnectedness that I experience. And in this post, I want to offer you (whoever needs to read this) some simple steps that I know will work to feel more authentic again.

What does it mean to be connected to your authentic self?

  • Doing things that have heart and meaning for you
  •  Honouring your values; We all have those inner values that are probably the most indicative resources to a content life. If we honour our values, we feel pretty good about ourselves. 
  • Having meaningful connections with other human beings
  • Knowing what gives you flow and spending time in that state; I’m stealing this one from Jimmy Carr on the podcast Diary of a CEO. He said we should aim to spend as much time as possible in flow state to maximise happiness. Fantastic podcast by the way, if you’re looking for an inspirational conversation.
  • Having a calm and healthy mind
  • Working your super powers; Too often we try to better ourselves in areas that don’t really give us a purpose. But if we keep working our strengths and lean into our talents and passions, we become even better at them, and this strengthens our confidence. 
  • Feeling confident

3 baby steps that will make you feel more authentic right away

Calming your mind and being present

My coach made me breath for a minute. Just that. No thoughts, no chasing next actions, no inner critic. Just being present to my breathing. What it did? It gave me head space. I became aware of my physical state. It allowed me to touch base with my emotions. 

Being present is such a powerful tool to calm your mind. Other things that may give you the same effect is going for a walk, being mindful to your actions, sports, or meditation. 

Reconnect with your values 

Set aside a small chunk of time and write down what you couldn’t be without. Examples could be deep relationships, integrity, leadership, learning, humour, innovation, creativity, independence, organisation, loyalty, collaboration and so on. 

In a second step, check how much you’re honouring these values in your current phase of life and where you could adjust.

What’s missing that you need more of?

Is it human interactions? Meaningful conversations? Time to care for yourself? Professional development? A new career altogether?  

Offer yourself a treat and dedicate some time to whatever doesn’t sit right for you and adjust. 

A final word on the shoes

They need to fit comfortably. Otherwise they will keep rubbing on the same wound over and over again. They will start bleeding and while plasters may be a short term fix, they won’t serve us in the long run. 

I took the first step in trying on some new shoes and have to say, it already feels better than it did before. I will now keep looking for those that give me back my full confidence and that I want to show off again. Every day, I want to smile like I do in the picture of me above. 

If this content resonates and you would like support with a similar topic, let’s connect and have a chat. 

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