Most parents returning to work after many months of baby cuddles and sleepless nights experience a rollercoaster of emotions. So do I. It’s been over a year that I put on some heels and have a clear structure as to what my working day looks like. As this day approached, I felt excitement and curiosity, but also guilt, resistance, and procrastination. In this post, I want to explore the emotions of mothers and provide some tips on how you can prepare for returning to work without feeling too overwhelmed. (Dads, your emotions are not less important! But in here I will focus on mums).
It seems common that mothers will experience strong emotions when it’s time to return to work. The most common question I encounter in my coaching practice is “is this work still right for me?”. A mother’s life has been turned upside down over the past months, particularly for first-time mothers. Not only have their priorities changed, but possibly also their values and needs. A busy, well-paid City job may no longer feel important but instead, a quiet environment that is compatible with family life might seem more attractive. Or the opposite – a mother might now be wanting the buzz from the City, to experience a counterpart to nurturing children. Whatever the needs, most mothers want change after their maternity break.
Most mothers experience guilt for leaving their children with a carer or nursery. I remember starting to cry as soon as I left the nursery premises when I left my son there for the first few times. There is often the battle inside us between wanting independence and an income vs a voice that tells us to be with our children.
Mothers can also feel unconfident having been out of work for so long. In some professions, the content of the work will have progressed and there are new topics to be learned. This, combined with busy train rides and unlearned resistance towards noise feels overwhelming for some.
Plus, let’s not forget the impact of hormonal changes a mother goes through during this life changing chapter, particularly during the first 6 months after giving birth. Suddenly, we get emotional much quicker than we used to and feel more sensitive towards a lot of things.
While all of these emotions are relevant and may need to be acted on, there are a few tricks how mothers can prepare for returning to work, in order to feel more in control and less overwhelmed.
Have the right childcare in place. This may seem obvious, but finding a solution with people that you trust and give you comfort is an important piece of the puzzle. Consider which childcare solution is right for you and your child. A nursery setting may be too much for a sensitive and very young child and a nanny in your own home more appropriate. Or if you have been at home a bit longer, nursery may be just the right amount of stimulation your child needs. I would advise to get to know all childcare options and make sure that whatever setting you choose, it alleviates your potential feelings of guilt while your child has joy in their new setting.
Take the pressure out and expect emotional ups and downs. I don’t think I know any mother who hasn’t experienced some sort of emotional crisis while returning to work. So anticipate doubts, questions and emotions and invite them in while you settle back into work. While no one wants to cry in front of their colleagues the first day back at work, it is actually very human to feel sensitive and every parent will be able to relate.
You may wish to prepare mentally for your first day back at work. Think about 1 or 2 things you want to accomplish – such as having a chat with your line manager about your needs as a mother or getting a certain task done. Having completed those will already make you feel that you accomplished something useful.
Obviously, our mental well-being is very dependent on sleep and healthy meals. And although we don’t have control over the quality of our nights, try to feel well rested and mentally stable before returning to work. This may require a couple of nights in the guest room or a number of chats with a friend, coach or therapist to get clear on your next steps. Mental health has a huge impact on how confident we feel.
What emotions have other mums experienced?
What helped you to feel more stable when you returned to work?
Career change coaching 